FMP – letter

My first draft of my letter is as follows:

Have you ever lost yourself in time? Listening to the seconds tick by.

I don’t like to waste time, every moment counts.

I wanted you to know that I miss our walks. I’m sorry that i stole your birthday! Do you remember all those hours we spent building up our bike? What about our annual chestnut hunt? I miss how small I was, being little enough for you to put me on your shoulders, feeling the wind dance through my hair. Mum always said i looked more like you! Thank you for being my escort to prom. I guess you could say heels and motorbikes don’t go well together. I’ve lost count of all the castles we’ve visited.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I will cherish the years you have given me.

 

Second draft:

Time isn’t something I ever thought about, until now.

I don’t want to waste a single second.

I wanted you to know that I miss our walks. I’m sorry that I stole your birthday!

Do you remember all those hours we spent building up our bike?  Thank you for being my escort to prom.

I guess you could say heels and motorbikes don’t go well together.

Mum always said I looked more like you!

I really hope we can go away in the camper van this year.

I miss how small I was, being little enough for you to put me on your shoulders, feeling the wind dance through my hair.

I don’t know where I’d be without you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I will cherish the years you have given me.

I love you.

 

Third/final draft:

 

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Our clock is broken.

Time is something we were told you didn’t have.

But you proved them wrong.

Time isn’t something I ever thought about, until now.

I don’t want to waste a single second.

I wanted you to know that I miss our walks and I’m sorry that I stole your birthday!

Do you remember all those hours we spent building up our bike?  Thank you for being my escort to prom. I guess you could say heels and motorbikes don’t go well together!

Mum always said I looked more like you…

I really hope we can go away in the camper van this year, and discover new places.

I miss how small I was, being little enough for you to put me on your shoulders, feeling the wind dance through my hair.

I don’t know where I’d be without you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I will cherish the years you have given me.

I love you.

 

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About kaylalaisby

My names Kayla and I'm a film student. And this is my blog. This is where I will be posting short films, music, photographs and other inspiring things to help me on my current college course. Enjoy!
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One Response to FMP – letter

  1. kendalcollegefilm says:

    These are powerful pieces, Kayla. From a production perspective, though, I need you to revisit this post and add in some notes, context or explanation about how and why you made changes form the first draft to the second, and the second to the third.

    Like

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